Actually, maybe complicated is the wrong word. “Pitchy” is more like it.

While we give Denise Richards major points for attempting to perform “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” during the Chicago Cubs seventh inning stretch, our very own E! reality star should probably stick to what she does best—selling her funbags!

We can only guess what Simon Cowell would have to say about this. What say you?

Today our Stating The Bloody Obvious news desk and our Desperate To Squeeze Any Coverage At All Out Of My Dying Fame news desk have collided and, in the mangled wreckage, a new life form seems to be emerging. It’s a bit like that scene in ‘Alien’ where the creature bursts out of that man’s chest, but with extra Photoshop and bras. As of today, this will be known as Jennifer Ellison Syndrome.The oddly-proportion Scouser has shockingly stated that she only does lads’ mag photo shoots in borrowed knickers and promo stuff like this excellent and tasteful advertisment for a Doritos Dodgeball promotion for the money.

We’ll just give you a minute to absorb that shocking, mind-shaking news.

Astonishingly, she doesn’t do it for the art. We had held this as a given. But we were wrong. How foolish of us to think that every time Jennifer broke into that sexless smile for the cameras, money was the last thing on her mind. We thought, idiots that we are, that she was doing it to make a bold art statement about society or something like that.

Jennifer – who increasingly looks like the offspring of Emma Bunton and that ginger fella from ‘Mask’ – has been lying to us all these years. We feel used, empty and dirty.

Is a world in which we know that Jennifer just does soft porn for the money really worth living in any more? We are just not sure. Today is a dark day. Today, dreams died. RIP, hope.

Did we say classy, because we meant to say trashy – obviously! Last night Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt headed to a Hollywood nightclub called H, and just for the occasion the socialite decided to don a pair of tasteful clip on hair extensions, a fishnet push-up corset style top, and a short sequined skirt.

See what we mean – pure class.

Still, as much as we dislike Paris’ outfit – Doug could’ve made a bit more of an effort, couldn’t he?!

Not that we like jumping on the media bandwagon by talking about swine flu or anything, but it does seem to be everywhere at the moment (literally) doesn’t it? Well, so we hear on the news anyway.

As you may have noticed Hugh Jackman is currently trotting around the globe to promote his new film Wolverine.

Last night the cast of the movie were on the red carpet in Arizona, after which Hugh was supposed to be jetting to Mexico for yet another premiere in the city. However under the circumstances the aussie actor has had to pull out of the screening A spokesperson from Twentieth Century Fox said:

Hugh has promised to return to Mexico for the premiere if circumstances change in the future. Oh, this swine flu business really does scare us you know.

Pamela Anderson brought her own unique brand of trashy glamour to New York last night for the opening of Sapphire Gentlemen’s Club.

For the event the former Baywatch star wore a pair of revealing white hotpants and a shirt that was so tight her boobs were literally spilling out so that the entire world could see them in all their wonky, misshapen glory.

Now we’re trying to think of something else to say about these photos of Pammy, but our mother once taught us that if you’ve got nothing nice to say, then you shouldn’t say anything at all. Obviously in the past we’ve not paid an ounce of attention to her words of wisdom, but in this case, we think we’ll simply let you browse through the pictures while we do the whole silent treatment thing.

The “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” actor claims nine-month-old Levi – his son with his Brazilian girlfriend Camila Alves – is always delighted when he manages to squirt him with urine at changing time.

He said: “Yes, I’ve changed diapers and yes, Levi has peed on me – more than a few times to both.”
“He gets the joke when he pees on me. He laughs. He laughs his butt off!”

“I think I am good at changing diapers. I could have a race-off with some other dads out there.”

Despite his son’s penchant for soaking him, Matthew loves being a parent.

The 39-year-old actor says becoming a father has helped him find joy in life, explaining just seeing his son smile makes him happy.

He revealed to People magazine: “The coolest thing I’ve learned from Levi is kids really remind you of your sense of humor.”

“Like I was just saying, they pee on you and they’re just laughing and all of sudden you’re reminded of having a sense of humor about everything.”

“You can watch Levi, and everything he sees is for the first time, so you see the wonder in something we see every day.”

Hugh Jackman has dismissed rumours he’s gay. The actor, 40, is happily married to actress Deborra-Lee Furness. ‘I’d be happy to go and deny.

The actor, 40, is happily married to actress Deborra-Lee Furness. ‘I’d be happy to go and deny it because I’m not,’ Hugh tells Parade.

‘But by denying it, I’m saying there is something shameful about it – and there isn’t anything shameful.’

Hugh met Deborra-Lee, 53, on an Australian TV series in 1995.

They wed in February 1996 and have adopted kids Oscar Maximilian, 8, and Ava Eliot, 3.

Lindsay Lohan was out and about LA last night, after making a stop at Samantha Ronson’s house earlier in the day. After LL’s appearance on Ellen aired, Samantha updated her Facebook status to “It’s Complicated”. She had previously removed “In a Relationship” when she fought with Lindsay in the beginning of April.

The relationship between these girls has always been volatile, so it wouldn’t be a huge surprise if Lindsay’s hopeful words about reuniting with Samantha along with her visit yesterday end up in a reconciliation between the two.

Michael Jackson’s peeps may have been involved in a hit-and-run with an ambulance yesterday in Beverly Hills — no one is confirming, but all the facts seem to point towards Team Jacko.

According to a KNBC report, Jacko’s driver may have sideswiped an ambulance and broke off the vehicle’s mirror on the way to pick up the pop star at Ceders-Sinai Medical Center. The ambulance driver tells NBC he saw the man driving the black SUV hop out of the car with an umbrella, walk to the hospital doors and meet Jackson. The ambulance driver says he saw Jacko get in the car and drive off
The Beverly Hills PD acknowleged there was a hit-and-run accident around 3:20 pm, but only described the suspect’s vehicle as “a dark colored SUV” that was “being followed by a group of paparazzi at the time of the collision …. the suspect is unknown at this time.”

TMZ shot footage of Jacko leaving the hospital with a driver, who has an umbrella, entering a black SUV. From the hospital, Jacko went on an antique shopping spree.

There were no reported injuries from the crash. The incident is currently under investigation by the Beverly Hills PD.

Lindsay Lohan’s episode of Ellen airs today in which she speaks out about her very public breakup with Samantha Ronson. The actress tried to keep it lighthearted despite the serious questions, shrugging off the rumors that she’s had difficulty coping and saying she “thought it would be so much harder.

” Lindsay did reveal that she didn’t even know Samantha was breaking up with her, describing it as, “I had no idea what was going on. I just hadn’t seen her in, like, a week. She, like, disappeared.”

Lindsay emphasized that she’s focused on “working every day” on production projects she has in the works as well as an upcoming movie this October. As for her emotional state, Lindsay reiterated her desire to focus on herself and says she still talks to Samantha, staying hopeful about the possibility of getting back together. You guys were pretty split on whether LL should have gone on the show in the first place, but maybe clearing the air again will help her get back in a healthy place.

Keeping busy promoting his new gig, Justin Timberlake was spotted arriving for a Jimmy Kimmel television taping at a Hollywood studio on Wednesday.

Wearing a green shirt and glasses, JT arrived early to sign autographs for awaiting fans before making his way inside.

During his visit, the “Sexy Back” stud joked about his courtside PDA session with girlfriend Jessica Biel earlier this week.

Timberlake tells, “We’re not actually that much of exhibitionists in front of 18,000 people. They were playing Sonny & Cher’s ‘I Got You Babe’ and we were watching all these sort of elderly people kiss—it got kind of weird there for a second, I’m not going to lie—but it was really endearing. And then they cut to Dustin Hoffman and his wife, and he planted an open mouth kiss on her that was, like, award-winning in its own way.”

Justin adds, “Then they cut to us, and I was not to be undone. So I mounted my girlfriend in front of 18,000 people.”

Hayden Panettiere’s Los Angeles home was burglarized last week — and thousands of dollars worth of jewelry was stolen.

Law enforcement sources say Hayden returned from vacation on April 15th and discovered around $15,000 worth of jewelry was missing.

We’re told there were no forced signs of entry — and sources say there were several people who were in and out of the house while she was gone.

Nothing says funny like ambulance-chasing lawyers.

At least that’s hope for the brain trust behind Cameron Diaz’s latest outing, in which she’ll star as a ruthless legal eagle who takes the case when one of her firm’s biggest clients gets sued for sexual discrimination.

According to Variety, Diaz is in final negotiations to star in Bobbie Sue. No director has yet been named.

Meanwhile,in other major casting news, Paul Giamatti returns to his indie roots,  Elizabeth Banks swaps lowbrow for high-concept, Ron White continues to bring the blue-collar comedy, an X-Man goes to the Dogs and Iron Man 2 tests the mettle of some new recruits.

His fans asked, and Matthew McConaughey happily obliged. The leading man in the new romantic comedy Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, costarring Jennifer Garner, answered readers’ questions about life as a new daddy (yes, Levi has relieved himself on his father!), growing up in Texas and his love of music.
What was it like working with Jennifer Garner in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past?
ALICIA HOAKS, Lafayette, Ind.

McConaughey: I had a ball with Jennifer. She’s very elegant, yet sort of a classic woman, actress. She does her own thing, and she also doesn’t bring a lot of hoity-toity false drama to the process. But she’s also very sly and cunning and witty. She’s with it and she’s fun to work with. You might think you’re pulling one over on her, and she’ll flip it right around. She’s very keen and coy.

Ever dream of attending a movie premiere on the arm of Ryan Reynolds? Well, wife Scarlett Johansson might not approve of that. But here’s a chance to get close! Reynolds is auctioning off tickets to the upcoming premieres of his two movies, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and The Proposal – and it’s all for a good cause.

Reynolds is selling the rare chance to hit the red carpet with him to raise funds for the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinsons Research.

Lucky bidders for the Wolverine tickets will not only attend the April 28 premiere at Mann Chinese Theater in Hollywood, but will be seated “near Reynolds,” according to the Foundation. Sign up and bid for your chance here.

The winner of tickets to The Proposal, which also stars Sandra Bullock, will be seated in the very same row as Reynolds at the film’s June 1 premiere, and will also be invited to the exclusive after party.

Reynolds, whose father has Parkinsons disease, serves as the celebrity chair for Team Fox, the grassroots fundraising arm of the MJFF. In November of 2008 he raised over $100,000 for the Foundation by completing the ING New York City Marathon

Josh Hartnett was rushed to hospital yesterday (March 30, 2009).

The “Pearl Harbor” star was staying at the Chateau Marmont hotel in West Hollywood when he began complaining of “excruciating” abdominal pain at around 2am.

An ambulance quickly arrived and took the star to Los Angeles’ Cedars-Sinai Medical Center where he is currently “under observation.”

In a statement, Hartnett’s representative Susan Patricola said the 30-year-old actor had suffered a “flare-up” of an ongoing gastrointestinal problem.

Patricola revealed the actor has been experiencing pain in his abdomen for “several months,” during which he starred in a West End theater production of “Rain Man” in London.

The illness is thought to be caused by a lingering stomach virus. Hartnett is currently “resting comfortably” and will see a specialist today (March 31, 2009).

The hunk recently revealed he found working in the theater difficult because he had to perform in front of a live audience.

He said: “It’s just a completely different experience to film because with film you do your take and then you don’t do it ever again.”

Rihanna has been house hunting in the Hollywood Hills.

The “Take a Bow” singer reportedly spent Monday (February 23, 2009) looking at properties in the same exclusive area of Los Angeles where celebrities such as Leonardo DiCaprio, Nicole Richie and Cameron Diaz live, according to X17Online.

Rihanna, 21, is also believed to have viewed Christina Aguilera’s former Hollywood home, which is closer to the city’s shops and clubs than her present house in the quiet neighborhood of Los Feliz.

While Rihanna has been taking a break from work, her on/off boyfriend Chris Brown – who has been charged with felony assault and making criminal threats following his alleged assault on her last month – has found it hard to concentrate on making his latest album.

Singer Tyrese Gibson – who is close to the 19-year-old singer – said the charges looming over him have left him struggling.

Tyrese told People magazine: “Although he appears to be really strong through all of this, it’s really taking a toll on his spirit.”

“People like me and Diddy are just trying to show him love and keep his spirits up while he’s going through all of the heat, and there are a lot people doing the same for Rihanna.”

“I’m not trying to justify it because wrong is wrong, but unfortunately, us as entertainers
, we have to grow up on stage with a lot of people looking at us.”

Chris will next appear in court on April 6 when he will enter his plea for the charges against him.

Julia Roberts doesn’t want her children to be actors.

The “Duplicity” actress – who has four-year-old twins Hazel and Phinnaeus and 20-month-old son Henry with husband Daniel Moder – will not allow her kids to pursue Hollywood careers until they are fully grown.

She said: “My first instinct is that if my children wanted to be artists, that they wait. I would prefer that they just wait as long as they can.”

The 41-year-old actress stars alongside Clive Owen in steamy spy drama “Duplicity” and revealed the pair bonded over family life.

She said: “We have a similar sense of humor. Our list of priorities in our personal lives are not different.”

“We are both happily married with families and lead a pretty normal, unaffected existence within in this odd universe of show business that we’ve both chosen to go into.”

Julia added Clive was a welcome “relief” from working with her “Ocean’s Twelve” co-stars George Clooney and Brad Pitt, who constantly tried to prank her during shooting.

She added to People magazine: “What a relief. I didn’t have to check the toilet for anything or the light bulbs or the phone. It was just good old-fashioned friendship.”

Russell Crowe will no longer play both Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham in a new movie.

The “Gladiator” star will soon begin filming Ridley Scott’s latest movie – which has been retitled “Robin Hood” from “Nottingham” – but will see his part dramatically scaled down.

Ridley told MTV: “Russell in both roles was an idea so far back, way back when at the time I had this proposed to me, and I read it and thought, “I don’t really know what it does for it, but it’s alright.”

“It is better to simply have the evolution of a character called Robin Hood, who will come out of a point in the Crusades which is the end.”

“The Sheriff of Nottingham is always a kind of an amusing character in most of the movies, who represents the hierarchy in the story at that point.”

Instead of the Sheriff, the country of France will be Robin’s nemesis.

The director also denied Russell is too out-of-shape to play Robin after piling on the pounds for his last film “Body Of Lies,” insisting the actor has been hard at work preparing for the part.

He added: “All that stuff is bulls**t. He is going to be totally fit. That is not a problem at all.”

“And he’s been working on his bow and arrow for about four months. He sends me tapes of him hitting targets at about 45 meters. He’s pretty good.”

Lindsay Lohan has been rejected by Chace Crawford.

The “Mean Girls” actress – who is in a lesbian relationship with DJ Samantha Ronson – was seen with the “Gossip Girl” actor in New York earlier this week, but friends of Chace insist there is nothing romantic going on between the pair.

A source said: “Lindsay heard that Chace and Emile Hirsch were hanging out at Justin Timberlake’s restaurant Southern Hospitality for drinks.”

“But she showed up uninvited and unannounced. She caused quite a scene so Chace left to go back to his place for some more fun.”

Lindsay, 22, refused to take no for an answer and followed the actor back to his home, arriving at 6am, only to be turned away again.

The source added to America’s OK! magazine: “Lindsay showed up uninvited to Chace’s apartment and was not allowed in.”

After being snubbed, Lindsay left for the airport to return to Los Angeles.

Meanwhile, the actress is working on a new range of cosmetics and self-tanning products.

Lindsay – who launched a line of leggings last year – is developing the beautifying items for her company Stay Gold.

Lindsay and Samantha’s relationship is currently going through a rocky patch. Last weekend, they were seen arguing at New York nightspot The Eldridge – where Samantha was playing a DJ set for her sister Charlotte’s fashion show.